I was lucky, or at least that’s what I was always told, to have always known what I wanted to do. My ambitions were in the driver’s seat of my every day, adolescent challenges only fuelled me to keep moving, clear direction and determination; I had a plan.
Our generation is taught to believe in the path of education: school → college/sixth form → university. I so clearly remember the pressure from our teachers to complete UCAS applications and write personal statements. The idea of an apprenticeship was only really a recently accepted option. I saw so many of my peers apply and move on to University, and then I saw so many drop out before the first semester had ended. Adults love to tell 18 year olds that they “don’t know everything”, yet expect those same 18 year olds to make life decisions as if they do. It’s not the end of the world if you make a decision at that age and realise it wasn’t the right one, but we didn’t know that then, so we had to make the right one. In the whole grand scheme of things, we knew nothing but the 9 to 5 of academic structure, and we were scared of the unknown.
I applied to University a year later than most of my year group, so I was able to do what I do best and observe the patterns of confusion. Still, it didn’t make my decision any easier. As I watched people break free from the path of education by committing to full-time work, travelling or alternatively, absolutely nothing, I questioned whether my plan was actually the plan I wanted, or if I had just convinced myself that it was the right thing to do.
Gladly, it was the right thing to do, and my biggest lesson learnt from that time of my life is to trust my gut.
Uni life seemed attractive to me for various reasons, but I was mainly won over by the idea of a graduation ceremony – and yes I’m fully aware of how ridiculous that sounds, but I’m somewhat of a fantasist that sometimes believes my life is a movie, so I was going to take my chances and hope that I received a ceremony much like a montage of Elle Woods’, Rory Gilmore’s and Donna Sheridan’s.
We’ll move past the fact that Covid has completely screwed up that fantasy, and talk about how that confusion of being an 18 year old with the world at our fingertips has now just transferred into the confusion of being a graduate with the world at our fingertips. On a day to day basis, I try to keep on moving (thx Five) and improving; developing my portfolio, reading up on latest trends and policies, taking up every opportunity to learn new skills. I keep myself busy and I’m starting to address some things I’ve been ignoring for longer than I should’ve, e.g. my very obvious food intolerances.
I think for the most part, I’ve covered the ‘what’s your plan now?’ conversation with the Covid excuse and the news of a recent promotion. The truth is that I am slightly gutted to find myself feeling so detached from the industry that I just spent three years studying for, and rearranging my bedroom doesn’t quite cut it these days. But there’s also truth in the fact that I’m enjoying some time off. Until this summer, I was in education for as long as I could’ve been; consumed by the pressure to achieve, feeding my perfectionism, staying within the guidelines of work hard vs. play hard.
So what now?
Now, I’m going to wait; until I’ve reset my desire to achieve, blown off some steam by playing harder than I work, and have done a couple of things that I’ve been waiting a while to do (watch out roads, I’m coming for ya). I have no idea where I’m going, and honestly, I’m extremely open to it being an airport and a fresh breath of Western air. You see, the world is at my fingertips, so I can do whatever I like. Maybe I’ll decide tomorrow, maybe I won’t.
I have no plan, Stan.
This is a vibe:
https://open.spotify.com/track/6sOJFXHNfNo0R0wx2nlKfF?si=vpZmC_3_SYa6Wj_kAQOA2w
All my love,
An Outside Insight 