“I’m excited, oh yeah definitely excited. But I’m also petrified. The adrenaline of it has kind of fizzled out now, you know the getting accepted, the unconditional offer, the thought of going. Two months ago it was just under 6 months away and in a couple of weeks it’ll be three months. That’s like what around 100 days. 100 days. It seems like such a long time but I know it’ll go so fast. I think that’s what I’m scared of. Yeah, 100%.
You see for so long I’ve been wishing time way because I hate being here. And I’m not saying I hate being here any less now. The memories still suck, the people are still, well not that great and it’s all just so familiar. But I guess I’ve started to appreciate being here a lot more too. I’m basing this hate on what, the past three years? But before that I had sixteen years of growing up, of love, of experience. And I don’t want to leave hating that, because I don’t hate that.
I think we’ve all had a rough time. I don’t place myself upon some imaginary ladder of who’s had it worse, because everyone’s got their own deal right. And sometimes you get dealt a bad hand, and oh my does it suck. It hurts. But my oh my so pessimistic. I hate that people feel stuck with the way life is going for them, because that’s not true. Change it. I did. You can get up an walk away from a poker game at any time. It may not be the right etiquette or whatever, I don’t know, I don’t play poker that often. But who cares. The world is changing, rules are being broken so join the hell in. Drink water from a bottle because if the plastic doesn’t kill you then something else will. Spend two hours doing your makeup if it makes you feel good and don’t dress up for anyone except yourself. If you’ve got a dick and you want to wear heels then go for it, nobody attached the vagina to a stiletto. And do you know what, some people won’t like it. But get over it already. Who put you in this world to please people? Who the hell actually put you in this world?
I’ve literally just learnt to accept everything. Well everything apart from men in rompers because that is a line that just doesn’t actually need to be crossed but whatevs. But seriously, embrace it all. If boys wanna take you to McDonalds in their overrated cars and call it a date, babes go. Get your free Maccies, plug in your aux and then go home to bed. You don’t need to use a kiss or an “I love you” to make someone feel better about themselves if it’s only going to make you feel worse. Those are precious things, please keep them for moments that matter. MACCIES MOMENTS DO NOT MATTER.
I’m not saying violence is the answer, and if you ever feel like punching someone or smashing something, I strongly advise you not to. But it is important that you find a way to let it out. And not just the anger or sadness. Don’t spend your days crying yourself to sleep and please get rid of that sad songs playlist – you don’t need it. Spend all your time celebrating. Go for drinks when you get a new job, take a holiday for a friend’s birthday, go for a walk because it’s sunny for goodness sake. Love everything that the world offers you because as much as we’d all love to believe it, there isn’t another world like the one we have. Watch the sun set, I promise you it’s pretty. And then watch it rise again. Day drink. Party. Listen to so much music. Take photos. Blog. Vlog. Record and remember as many moments as you can. And then tell your children about them. You don’t need to be famous to have a legacy. Create family traditions even if it is your dad simply sticking his finger in the Angel Delight before anyone is allowed to eat it…
So why am I petrified?
Well I guess because I’ve finally got what I wanted. I get to live.”